All these things I should have never left unsaid..
11-27-13 “Memories warm you up from the inside. But they also tear you apart.”
You told me that there’s nothing wrong in being too attached. I believed in that. I believed in every word that you said. I believed in every promise that was spoken. The worst thing is that I believed in you. Now can you just explain to me what the hell happened? I thought that you believe that it’s possible for two persons to be together forever if they just stay true to their feelings and to each other. I know I can manage this kind of relationship. Distance would never ever be a problem to me but you just gave up too easily. You gave up everything too easily. And I don’t understand why. I’ll never understand why. They say that you bleed to know you’re alive. I must be so alive then. It’s funny because I knew right from the start that you were never there for me. But still I kept on denying that to myself. I kept on making excuses, tons of excuses for you. I should have never put my walls down for you. I should have never believed when you said that I’m always with you and that you meant it. But it’s my fault. Everything is my fault. Because I get attached too easily. I’ve always been afraid that time can change everything. And now it already did and it’s not for the better. I’ve been waiting for the right time to hear the right words from you. You said that you’ll tell everything ‘in time’. I told you that tomorrow might be too late. And I’m right. Because I’ll never ever hear it from you now. I need to let go of all the memories that I’d been holding onto right from the start. Maybe those memories mean nothing to you but they mean eveything to me. At least I won’t have any regrets because I’ve let you know in every way that I can that I love you. I still want to thank you anyway. Thank you for making me happy in those few moments that we have together. Thank you for making me feel alive even when everything around me is falling apart. Thank you for giving me hope when I’m about to give everything up when my world was crumbling into pieces. I should already accept the fact that you’ll never love me back. Maybe we’re not really meant for each other. Maybe everything is meant to end here. Or maybe, just maybe, we’ll see each other again in a different time. And by that time, everything will fall into place. Maybe by that time, we’ll never have to be apart again and we can finally be together.
I don’t need your closure any longer. Just know that I hate you for what you did. I hate you for everything. I know I’ve already done everything for you. Everything including things that you don’t deserve. I gave you things I’m not even sure I had. You promised me that you’ll never leave but you’re the one who just gave everything up too easily but I hope you’re happy now though. Because I’m so done. I’ve had enough. I don’t deserve all the pain you’re causing me. I still know my worth. And I deserve things better than this. Now I know why you always say that “things change”. It’s because you just don’t want to commit yourself to me so you can still flirt with all girls you meet. I don’t need that kind of person. I don’t need someone who easily gives in to temptations. I deserve someone better than that. :)
And one more thing, if you’re unsure of my intentions, I’m more unsure of yours. You don’t even have the guts to say that thing that you’re supposed to tell me. Thank you for keeping me hanging. Thank you, really. And you’re saying that you ignored me? Yeah right, you ignored me by holding my hand. I was about to give up everything for you but you’re the one who chose this path. You chose to end this. I hope you’re happy with your decision. And for one last time, thank you so much. So I’ll end it here. ;) <3 Oh, one last thing.. I know you feel something else for me. You just won’t admit it. [: Goodbye my almost first and last boyfriend. >:D<
I’ve heard that you consider those few months “so long ago”. :) Well, it just proves that you don’t deserve my forever. I thought that you also believe in forever. I almost committed myself to you. I haven’t done anything wrong to deserve this. This must really be goodbye. And can I just say this please? Fuck you. Fuck you for giving up on me when I fucking needed you. Fuck you for denying me. But no matter how much you lie to other people that we were just friends, you can never lie to yourself. You can deny it as much as you want but I know you know that what we had was real.